My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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