I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
