now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
