I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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