I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
