i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
