I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
someone owes me an orgasm
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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