She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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