oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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