Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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