his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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