Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
