the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Two words: blizzard sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
