you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
