Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
