You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
