There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
