I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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