allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
