So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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