guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird