Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.