You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home