i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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