I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
