When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
