You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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