he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
