He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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