my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.