i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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