Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
