so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
