White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
