I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
