How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
