oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
