One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
