She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
