I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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