Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
