pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
