We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
