I have demons in me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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