He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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