Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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