Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
