i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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