You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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