the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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