he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
