He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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