I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
