I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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