Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
