my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
