Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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