i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry my hands just texted you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
