Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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