You're my little dorito
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
