I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
