My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
