So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
