My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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