new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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