i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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