All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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